God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
