i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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