Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
