I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
