hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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