the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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