I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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