i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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