I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize