I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
