That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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