This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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