If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
