Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Shame - the story of my life.
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