I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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