I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize