Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
