Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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