What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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