Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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