Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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