At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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