Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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