where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just saw a hot homeless man
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
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Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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