It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
