dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
