dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
did i just pee glitter
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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