She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
