He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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