Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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