reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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