Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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