Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
