what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
