Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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