you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
