I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
