You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
