Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
