4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
