he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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