you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
