Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
