she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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