using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
