im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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