ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
