They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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