My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
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I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
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Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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