i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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