I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
