She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
