I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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