So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
