plz talk dirty to me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
